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Divorce is never easy. It is a difficult decision to dissolve any marriage and once a partner secretly makes the decision to consult with a qualified divorce attorney, it may be due time the secret is shared with an unsuspecting spouse. With divorce rates steadily holding at 3.6 percent for 1,000 individuals, 44 states reporting, including the District of Columbia, one would believe telling a spouse that a divorce is imminent would have become “old hat” by now, but as many divorce attorneys know, that is not often the case.
One of the most critical actions in defining the tone and course of the upcoming legal proceedings is how one spouse tells their partner of their decision to end the marriage. Many family advocates and mediators believe that divorce does not need to be a bad experience, negatively affecting everyone involved, and suggest those facing the dissolution of their marriage follow these key components for a good divorce:
One: The Beginning
How a spouse tells the other is of critical importance as how the subject is broached will ultimately shape how the divorce unfolds. One should consider how the other spouse will react depending on his or her current perception of the marriage. By considering this aspect of the conversation, one should be able to pre-analyze and set the tone for the opening conversation.
The time chosen to hold the conversation should also come into play. Ensure a quiet setting. Turn off all phones and make plans for the children to be out of the home. Begin the conversation with a personal interpretation of the current marital climate with instances of specific reasons leading to the decision.
Two: The Middle
Depending on how the spouse reacts will weigh heavily on their personal interpretation of the marital status. The reaction could range anywhere from anger to acceptance. No matter the reaction stand strong, do not defend the decision nor begin critiquing past failures or current deficiencies.
Once the floor has been given to the receiving spouse, take the time to be quiet and listen without interruption. By following this suggestion the other spouse may feel encouraged to open up to his or her feelings ultimately leading to a better understanding of the decision.
Three: The End
Be careful not to turn this first discussion into endless hours of manipulation or the thrashing out of old business. Pick a good ending point and be aware that many more discussions about the impending divorce are on the horizon. It best to end this phase with a empathetic reiteration of understanding the other partner’s feelings and with a promise to be fair when laying the groundwork for the impending divorce.
If you reside in the Romeoville, Burr Ridge or Woodridge areas and are seeking a new beginning, the experienced Hinsdale divorce attorneys of Martoccio & Martoccio can help. Our legal team, with over 75 years combined experience, understand the complexities of a divorce and have also built a strong reputation as skilled negotiators. Contact our offices today at 630-920-8855 to schedule your free initial consultation.