Once an Illinois couple has decided to get divorced, both partners usually want the divorce to end as soon as possible. Although sometimes delays in the legal system are inevitable and complications arise, when spouses work cooperatively, divorce does not need to take longer than the time it takes to resolve all relevant issues. 

However, sometimes one spouse will try to use divorce proceedings to manipulate the other spouse. They may contest the divorce or try to drag on negotiations to keep their spouse from getting what they want out of the divorce or from beginning a new life without them. If your spouse is using your divorce negotiations to manipulate you or postpone the divorce, here are some things you can do that may help. 

Plan Carefully Before Filing

While this tip may only be helpful to those who have not yet filed, if you anticipate that your spouse may become manipulative during your divorce, preparing carefully before filing for divorce may save you significant trouble later on. Getting documents and arranging your finances before you announce divorce may prevent a spouse from trying to keep these things from you in the future. 

Most Illinoisans are familiar with concepts like violent domestic abuse and emotional abuse. However, marital abuse comes in many different forms, and one form that people are often less familiar with is financial abuse. Although someone suffering from financial abuse may have no outward signs of being abused, this type of abuse can still lead to extreme suffering and hardship, especially if someone feels trapped in a marriage because they have no money to leave. 

Women are most often the victims of marital financial abuse, but it can happen to anyone of any gender, regardless of whether their marriage is heterosexual or same-sex. If you are suffering from any of these three signs of financial abuse, it may be time to speak with an Illinois divorce attorney. 

As anyone who has ever known a narcissist well can attest, setting boundaries and planning daily tasks with someone who is constantly obsessing over their own image and self-importance can be next to impossible. Parenting, which requires empathy, sacrifice, and humility, is particularly difficult with a narcissist as a partner and when you are facing many years of co-parenting with a narcissist, you may feel overwhelmed. Fortunately, others before you have managed this daunting task and come out the other side. Here are some tips for co-parenting with a narcissist. 

Rely on the Courts For Help

Manipulation and coercion often accompany narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and a co-parent with NPD may try to test your boundaries just to see how far they can go. When you have a parenting agreement, it takes much of the pressure for setting limits off of your shoulders and places them in the confines of the legally-enforceable parenting plan. Create highly specific details in your parenting plan so there are no areas of doubt in which your co-parent can plead ignorant. 

If your co-parent stops abiding by the terms of the parenting plan, make it immediately clear that you will pursue legal consequences. Do not allow small violations to snowball into bigger ones before you take action. Document instances of showing up late for visitation, asking for exceptions, or demanding more time with the children. Although it may take more work and trouble in the beginning, setting clear boundaries from the beginning can save you a lot of hassle later on. 

Most people in Illinois do not spend much time making major financial negotiations. With exceptions like homes and cars, a price on an item is generally set and if the price is too high, the purchaser simply walks away. In a divorce, however, the outcome of major financial negotiations has the potential to impact spouses for many years - perhaps even the rest of their lives. Asset and debt division, child support, and alimony (or spousal support, as it is called in Illinois) are important issues that must be handled carefully. Even for the savviest businessman or woman, these negotiations can be difficult. Here are some tips to help you navigate your Illinois asset division. 

Think of the Future

Many spouses make the mistake of giving up long-term benefits for short-term gains. For example, a spouse may feel strongly about keeping children in the marital home to avoid the upheaval of moving during a divorce. While this makes intuitive sense, the long-term expenses of managing a home on one income may leave a family with very little to save for their future. Budget many scenarios for life after divorce and only make decisions until you have a good idea of what you will need to live on. 

Prioritize

While each spouse would like to walk away with all of the assets and none of the debt, this simply is not possible under Illinois’ equitable distribution principle. Instead, make a list of assets that are important to you for financial or sentimental reasons and know which items you are willing to give up or negotiate more generously over.

Managing issues associated with parenting during your Illinois divorce can severely test a divorcee’s patience. Nevertheless, parents must try to work together to create a parenting plan that lays out how parental responsibilities and parenting time will be allocated. 

Courts expect both parents to be involved in their child’s life unless there is a good reason for them not to be. However, the actions and behavior of each parent can influence a court’s final decision regarding the authority to make important decisions on behalf of a child. Even if parents create a comprehensive parenting plan together, a court will still have to approve it. Here are some tips for ensuring you put yourself in a strong position to be awarded parental responsibilities. 

Keep the Focus on the Children

When a parent cannot keep the spotlight off of themselves or their priorities, courts may see these behaviors as a red flag that the parent does not have the maturity or perspective to put the children first. If one parent seeks the majority of parenting time or parental responsibilities without good reason, or unfairly tries to demonize the other parent, such a strategy will likely backfire. Judges want the focus to be on the children’s best interests at all times.