Divorce is difficult for all mothers. However, stay at home mothers going through a divorce face unique challenges as they are forced to figure out how to support themselves and their children financially without their ex-spouse’s income. If you are a stay at home mom going through a divorce, these tips can assist you in surviving on your own.

Create a Budget

To create a budget, start by compiling a list of all of the monthly expenses you will have once your divorce is finalized. By doing so, you’ll understand how much money you will need each month to support yourself and your children.

Often times, people opt out of hiring a divorce lawyer to represent them during their divorce in order to save money. If your spouse refrains from hiring a divorce lawyer, you may wonder how this will affect your case. Unfortunately, it can make your divorce more difficult in a number of ways. Here’s what you can expect if your spouse does not hire a divorce lawyer:

A Longer Divorce Process

If your spouse does not hire an attorney, they will be responsible for representing themselves while you have a lawyer to advocate for you and speak on your behalf. That being said, your lawyer will work directly with your spouse to communicate on issues related your divorce.

Years ago, Illinois divorce and paternity Judges followed basically the teachings of psychiatrist Sigmund Freud. This Freudian view of Illinois child custody cases has been a part of Illinois child custody law for many years. So it became that Mothers were granted custody over Fathers which went along with the traditional belief that Mothers were better caregivers and innately more able to care for children especially young children.

Illinois Custody Judges would typically grant custody to the Mother of a child age one through seven. A custody Judge would listen to the views of a child 7 to 13 as to whether Mother or father received custody. An Illinois custody Judge would generally give custody to the Mother or Father if the child was ages 13 through 18 invoiced a very strong opinion about living with that parent. At those ages the wishes of the child were held to be strongly persuasive and strongly influenced custody. Divorce lawyers of that era would say with respect to an older child who felt strongly about living with one parent or the other, "you can't beat the testimony of the child!”

Although in all of these age groups Mothers were favored over Fathers based upon the belief that Mothers would naturally do better at parenting a child. Frequently, Fathers would be granted so-called standard visitation including alternating weekends and one or two evenings a week with their child as an acceptable visitation schedule.

At that time there was no Illinois divorce law on the subject of pet “custody.” Nonetheless, later in my career, I argued for custody of a dog’s ashes which were in an urn on the divorcing couples’ fireplace mantel. Again, I argued in both cases that the family dog was like a child or family member to my client. I knew that for many, a Pet becomes a best friend and a true member of the family. In both cases, I incurred the ire of the Judge who was not pleased with having the Judge’s time wasted. By the way, a good divorce lawyer will think first about his or her client’s beliefs and argue for them and only second about any potential waste of the Court’s time.

In March 2014, I wrote a blog and posted it here on our website entitled: Who Gets the Dog in an Illinois Divorce? The answer then being, that the dog was treated like any other property in an Illinois Divorce and divided according to the rules of marital versus nonmarital property with no recognition as to how important that Pet was to the client.

You may find yourself in a situation where you have to live with your soon to be ex-spouse until your divorce is settled. Whether you have to live with them during the divorce process for financial reasons or because you would like to ensure your rights are protected, know that there are certain ways you can make your living situation less daunting. Here are several tips on living with your soon to be ex during the divorce process:

Create Routines that Minimize Contact with One Another

If you and your soon to be ex tend to get heated when you are together, you should try to create routines that minimize contact with one another, especially if you have children. If possible, work opposite shifts and allow yourself to handle morning duties while your soon to be ex takes care of evening duties or vise versa.