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Nothing can safe-proof a marriage from divorce, but there are some ways that couples can improve their chances of staying together. One is to attend marriage counseling. Another is to examine and, when applicable, address issues that commonly discussed by couples who are in or have already completed counseling. So what do men talk about, and what do they complain about the most? Three psychotherapists recently shared their experiences with the Huffington Post.
He Feels Pressured to Measure Up to Unrealistic Expectations
According to therapists, one of the biggest complaints is that men feel like they are always expected to intuitively know what their wives are thinking or feeling. Misinterpreting the situation leads to further frustration, irritation, and a sense of wrongdoing for men. For women, it can cause emotional turmoil and hurt feelings, as if their husbands simply do not care, even this is not the case.
Women can curb this common marriage issue by clearly and effectively communicating their feelings instead of simply assuming their husbands will know. Men can show their support by asking their wives to be candid about their wants, needs, feelings, or thoughts; once she does, he can encourage continued communication by either accommodating her needs or negotiating to ensure both of their needs are satisfied.
He Is Tired of the Late Night Arguments
Men often complain that, just as they are dozing off, their wives bring up sensitive subjects or issues that need to be handled . . . and many of those late-night discussions turn into arguments, either because he is not in the mood to discuss the matter, or because he and his spouse disagree on how to handle the situation. Therapists say that, for women, the urge to discuss something important—regardless of the time of day—can be difficult to quench; but for men, it is the worst time to talk, and it makes them feel as if their wife does not respect their need for sleep.
Therapists recommend carving out special time for discussing serious, sensitive, or important matters. This can be at any time of the day, but both parties need to be actively involved, giving their full attention and energy to the discussion so that both feel that the matter has been adequately addressed before bedtime.
He Feels Like He Does Not Have Backup
Children can drastically change the landscape of any marriage, especially if two parents happen to disagree on discipline; even small issues can feel big when they are constant. Add in feelings of resentment because either (or both) parents feel like they have to go at it alone, or like their partner does not respect them enough to back them up in the discipline department, and it is easy to see why children often feel caught in the middle of marital problems and divorces.
To avoid this pitfall, couples have to work very hard at supporting one another; they should be a unified entity, discussing expected issues in advance and handling unforeseen circumstances as a unit, even if it means putting off giving an answer (or doling out discipline) until both parties can discuss the issue in private.
He Feels Like Your Marriage (and Sex) Are No Longer a Priority
Women are often charged with a multitude of responsibilities—from conferences at school to work to finding time for hobbies and friends. Unfortunately, all of that time spent trying to balance everything else can take a serious toll on your energy level (and your sex drive). Men often misinterpret this, assuming that their wives are no longer interested in sex, or in their marriage. Oftentimes, this could not be further from the truth.
Both parties in a marriage should take responsibility when it comes to making sex and marriage a priority, whether it is splitting household chores and responsibilities to ensure you both have more energy for sex, fostering more intimacy outside of the bedroom, or simply making it a priority to go out on one date night a week.
When Divorce Is Inevitable
With more than 75 years of combined experience, Martoccio & Martoccio, Attorneys at Law, can help you navigate the divorce process. Focused on creative solutions to achieve the best possible outcome, we provide compassionate representation to our clients and, when necessary, aggressive advocacy to ensure our clients’ rights are protected. Request a free initial consultation with one of our skilled Hinsdale divorce attorneys by calling 630-920-8855 today.