How Birth Order Can Affect Your Marriage

 Posted on October 25, 2016 in Family Law

Illinois family law attorney, Illinois divorce lawyerWith 1,300 newly blended families forming every day in the United States, it is estimated that nearly 40 percent of these marriages represent the second time around for one or even both of the spouses. For those entering a second marriage or those vacating a first marriage via divorce, perhaps some thought should be given to birth order and how this concept can and perhaps played a significant role in the relationship status. To completely understand the basic elements of this theory one may first explore their personal connection to the birth order hierarchy.

The Kingdom of the Firstborn

If you were born under the firstborn cosmos, you rule but then again you were the experiment under Parenting 101. You were the “first” at everything, you are the reigning king or queen of all siblings but also the first to meet high parental expectations leading you into the kingdom of perfection. You find yourself an organized individual who takes life seriously but also one who feels the pressure to always reach new heights.

The Middle Child Quandary

For those coming into the world in second place, you take one look at the reigning firstborn and wonder how to ever complete. To settle that situation, you take a turn in the opposite direction. You learned to negotiate and became the reigning diplomat. You play it close to the vest and avoid conflict at all cost.

The Privileged Lastborn

As the baby, you were revered by your parents but perhaps not your siblings. You know how to manipulate your siblings to get what you want but they also figured out the formula to use you to get what they want from your parents. As the lastborn, you are people-oriented, affectionate, engaging, and love to be the center of attention.

After this brief synopsis of birth order characteristics, how does your birth order traits affect your relationships and even your marriage? Some examples include:

Firstborn + Firstborn

Start bumping heads now as this king and queen strive for perfectionism and control not only on a personal quest but also within the marriage.

Firstborn + Middleborn

Perhaps the most mismatched, this couple is extremely adept at compromising but avoids confrontation at all cost, leaving communication at a stand still.

Firstborn + Lastborn

Amidst the structure set forth by the firstborn, the lastborn provides the much-needed fun quotient to balance out the serious firstborn.

Although this theory may not be exact science, marriage still requires two people dedicated to working on the relationship. A thriving marriage takes compassion, love, and support and perhaps an understanding how birth order can influence how your spouse views the world and their position within the marriage.

No matter what cosmic or concrete reason you find yourself considering divorce, the experienced Hinsdale divorce attorneys of the Law Office of Martoccio & Martoccio can assist with choosing the right legal path while meeting your specific divorce expectations. Our legal team, with over 75 years of combined legal experience, serves residents in DuPage, Cook, Kane, Kendall, and Will Counties. Contact our Hinsdale office at 630-920-8855 to schedule your no-cost consultation today.


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