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Although the Millennial generation statistically appears hesitant to rush down the marital aisle, Peter Pearson, couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute of Menlo Park, California has a word of advice for those choosing to make the leap. In agreement with social scientists who believe that married couples lead a happier existence, evident by a recent 2015 research paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research, Pearson’s first word of advice, ensure that the chemistry is clearly evident. Although, Pearson eludes that chemistry is not everything, he does believe that if chemistry, both physical and emotional, is not a key component of the relationship, it may be a long road ahead for the couple, often resulting in divorce.
The concept of social chemistry or how one feels when they are with their better half plays a crucial role in the stability and growth of a relationship. Transactional analysis, a model that provides an account of how two people simultaneously interact has been explored as far back as the 1950s.
Slightly adapting the theories often associated with Sigmund Freud, Pearson believes that every person functions within the sphere of three specific ego states and categorizes them as:
The Parent - weighing heavily upon what has been taught;
The Child - incorporates a person’s emotional feelings; and
The Adult - again, incorporates what one has learnt as an adult.
Based on these three modalities, Pearson believes that when these three areas are explored, by answering three simple but conclusive questions, the outcome determines whether the couple is truly compatible and connect on each level. A positive outcome increases their chances of eluding a consultation with a qualified divorce attorney significantly increases. These three questions, still following the Freudian model are:
The Parent - does the couple share similar social values and beliefs?
The Child - does the couple have a sense of spontaneity and have fun together?
The Adult - does the couple view their partner as intelligent and resourceful?
Idyllically, Pearson believes that achieving symmetry across these three spectrums may indicate lasting marital success but couples need to continually work on reaching a marital balance, keeping the relationship in check.
This check and balance system, Pearson refers to as the Differentiation Model. To successfully withstand the complexities of marriage, couples must remain open to this process and come to terms that each individual is truly unique and brings a different perspective to the marriage. The key to success, according to Pearson, is effort.
If the modalities of your marriage have become misaligned, the qualified Hinsdale divorce attorneys of The Law Office of Martoccio & Martoccio invite you to contact our offices for a free consultation today. We may be reached at 630-920-8855.