Tag Archives: affect of divorce on children

Hinsdale divorce lawyerMany people think that divorce only affects children when they are young and still living at home. In reality, it is difficult for children of any age to hear that their parents are getting a divorce. Adult children whose parents are getting a divorce also feel a sense of loss and sadness.

Typically those who have adult children have been married for years, and these kinds of divorces can be the most difficult because they have more history. It is important to remember that your children -- even if they are adults -- also need the love and support that would be given to younger children. Here are a few ways you can help your adult children deal with a divorce:

Wait until the Whole Family Is Together

Timing is everything and telling your adult children about your divorce is no exception to the rule. It is usually advisable to tell all children at the same time about the divorce. Schedule a family gathering during a time that works for everyone to break the news. The last thing you want is for one child to hear about the news from another child.

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Hinsdale IL divorce attorneyChildren whose parents are divorcing can have varied reactions to the news of the divorce. Depending on their age and maturity level, they may not understand what a divorce is let alone what it means. Some children react with feelings of guilt, thinking they are the cause of the divorce. Other children may fear that they will lose one or both parents because of the change. As the parent, it is your job to make sure that your child understands the situation so that they can have healthy reactions. Here are three tips you can use to help you tell your children about your divorce:

1. Tailor the Conversation to Your Child’s Level of Understanding

Younger children often do not understand the entire aspect of divorce. Most of the time, all they know is that mommy and daddy are no longer living together. When talking to younger children about your divorce, make sure you use words and concepts that they understand. Your conversation does not have to go into great detail, but it is important that you tell the truth. Older children will probably need a bit more explanation, however, you should avoid disclosing too much information so as to paint the other parent in a bad light.

2. Make Sure It Is the Right Time

It is usually recommended that all children be present when you decide to break the news -- the last thing you would want is for one child to hear the news from another. Also, do not tell your children too early that you are getting a divorce -- if divorce is not certain between you and your spouse, you should not alert your children about the issues.

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Hinsdale IL divorce attorneyChildren, especially, can have a difficult time with divorce. Divorce brings much uncertainty into the lives of everyone in the family, and children, who thrive off of stability, can be affected much more strongly than others. There are things you can do to help alleviate some of the stress your children have because of the divorce. Here are five ways you can help your children cope with this big change in their lives:

1. Explain the Divorce to Your Children in Terms They Can Understand

Children’s understanding of divorce will vary based on their age and maturity level. Younger children will need to be explained to in simple, yet truthful terms about the divorce. The conversation can be as simple as telling your children that mommy and daddy no longer want to fight all the time, so they will be living in different houses. Older children will usually require a more explanatory response, but you should be careful to reveal too much information as your children do not need to hear about your marital problems.

2. Encourage Conversation about Their Feelings

You should tell your children that it is normal for them to feel sad or angry about the divorce. You will have your own feelings about the divorce, and it is important for your children to be able to have theirs. Allowing your children to talk about their feelings will allow them to progress through the grieving process.

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Illinois family lawyerDivorce can be difficult for children. Living in two households, watching parents date and remarry, and getting introduced to step-siblings and half-siblings are several of the many changes divorce can bring to your children’s lives.

Fortunately, there are ways you can help your children live a high quality of life despite any changes your divorce may bring. You can start by making an effort to avoid the following 4 common parenting mistakes during divorce:

1. Forcing Your Children to Be Messengers

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Illinois divorce lawyerThe end of a relationship is difficult for everyone involved, but when parents end their marriage in divorce, children are often the ones who have the hardest time. Divorce will bring a great deal of upheaval to their lives as they adjust to new schedules, split their lives between two households, and try to understand changing relationships between family members.

As you work to provide the best possible environment for your children following your divorce, you will want to be sure you are considering their needs and providing them with love and support. Here are some valuable tips for helping your children get through this difficult time:

  • Be honest - Children are sure to have a lot of questions about why you and your spouse divorced, and you should try to answer their questions honestly while keeping your answers age-appropriate. Encourage them to discuss their feelings about the divorce with you and let them know that it is okay to feel sad or angry.
  • Offer reassurance - Children often worry that they may have been the cause of the divorce, so it is important to reassure them that your divorce was not their fault in any way while helping them understand that you will always love them and be there for them.
  • Provide consistency - It is important for children to have a regular routine in their daily lives. Reliably following your parenting time schedule and sticking to a consistent plan for bed times and mealtimes will give them the stability they need.
  • Provide them with quality time - Make the most of the time you spend with your children and be involved in their lives. Encourage them to share their interests with you and offer them love and support.
  • Cooperate with your ex-spouse - You and your former partner share the goal of raising your children in a loving, positive environment, so it is best to try to be flexible and accommodating to each other’s needs. If your work schedule or your children’s schedules for school and activities change, work together with the other parent to modify pickup and drop-off times as needed.

Never involve children in conflicts - You are likely to have disagreements with your ex-spouse, but you should do your best to keep your kids from being caught in the middle. Do not send messages to your ex-spouse through your children, and avoid disparaging your ex-spouse in your kids’ presence.

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