Divorce is hard on adults. Just think how difficult it is for children, who rarely understand why their parents are separating, do not have any say in where they live or what their new lives will entail, and whose entire life schedules and normal routines are disrupted every few days or weeks when they go to stay with their other parent. As a mother or father, you can make this difficult process easier on them. The months that divorce takes will be a challenge, but you have the ability to minimize the stress and anxiety that your children experience during this time.

Refrain from Bad Mouthing the Other Parent in Front of Your Children

Children are more likely to identify with the parent that is the same gender as they are. Sons will identify with fathers, and daughters will identify with mothers. As such, if a father says to his daughter, “I hope you don’t end up being like your mother,” or makes some other crude or disrespectful comment in front of his daughter, his daughter may internalize that and her emotional development will be delayed or impaired. Even saying something negative about a son’s mother, who is a different gender than him, has a negative effect on the child. It may be tempting to bad mouth or grumble about the other parent, but this can have serious consequences on your child’s emotional and psychological state of mind.

Keeping Conflict Away from Your Children, Communication, and Maintaining a Relationship with Both Parents

Even discluding court appearances and mediation, divorce is filled with conflict between the two spouses. Children pick up on the most subtle derogatory comments just as easily as a shouting argument. Exposure to any type of conflict increases the child’s risk of developing psychological and social problems, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Parents should consider doing the following:

Divorce is often an expensive, long, drawn-out affair that takes many stressful months and east up thousands of dollars. On the other hand, your divorce could be amicable, be over in a short period of time, and cost you very little. However, you never know how your spouse will react to your demands, what problems may arise, and whether or not things will take a turn for the worse. As such, it is important to not only seek out legal counsel from the beginning, but to create a plan to ensure that you have enough money to get through the divorce, potentially with independence from your spouse.

Living Arrangements

Some spouses can make it under the same roof for many months during their divorce, and some even choose to live with one another after the divorce has been finalized. For those who do not have close friends or family members to stay with and are stretched tight for cash, living with your soon to be ex-spouse may be the only option available. For those who do have the means or opportunity to live apart, separating may be the best choice during divorce. This means deciding who stays in the current home and who rents an apartment or house for the next number of months. The additional cost of renting another place may be taken into account during divorce.

Deciding with Whom Your Children Will Live

If you have children, child custody and the parenting plan may be the most hotly contested part of the divorce. However, even before the divorce is finalized, parents must either agree on a living situation, or they can take the matter to court. Under 750 ILCS 5/603.5, the court can create a temporary parenting plan before the divorce is finalized, making a decision based on what is in the child’s best interest.

If you are considering divorce, there are a few things you must consider completing before heading to court to file. Performing these tasks before initiating allows you to be better prepared and more confident throughout the process. Not only that, but your advanced preparation will shorten the overall divorce proceedings, lessening stress for you and your family. Consider these behaviors:

Be Sure You Want Divorce

It is ill-advised to send divorce papers if you do not know for sure you want a divorce. Once you address those documents, it becomes difficult to reconcile a relationship after, even if you change your mind. Be sure to exhaust every other avenue before taking that leap.

Decide Your Parenting Time Goals

Except under extreme situations, you and your spouse are likely to split custody. Sit down and review work schedule, school schedule, and other obligations and create an arrangement that you would like. If you build one that also allows for time for your ex to spend with the children, they are more likely to agree to the terms.

Although it may be difficult to remain in the same home as the spouse, you are separated from or divorcing with, leaving the house is among the most disastrous decisions anyone makes during the divorce. Once you go, there is no guarantee that you will ever make it back into the home, or that your items will be there and in one piece once you get back. Here are of the leading reasons why you should not leave your home if you are facing divorce.

Custody Complications

If you leave home, and you leave the children behind, that is a genuine possibility that you will have “points deducted” when it comes to both property division and parenting time arrangements. Any spouse who chooses to walk away from home puts themselves in the unfortunate position of being an outsider in the family. Being the outsider is not a secure vantage point during divorce. Think of it from the judge’s point of view: they must do what is in the best interest of the children, and in many cases, the children do better if as little as possible changes. When children remain in the home, they have the same school, same friends, and the same bedroom. Before you leave the house and the children, protect yourself and secure temporary parenting time agreement for your case.

Property Concerns

If you leave home, your spouse has total control of the property. Although you both have joint interests, once the locks change, court orders will become necessary to enter the home again. Unless you gather your personal belongings with you at the time you leave, you must entrust all of your belongings with your spouse. If you need to go but cannot take your items with you, you should make an inventory of all of your articles and photograph the ones of high importance.

When a married couple decides to get divorced, their largest concern is usually related to their children. They likely worry about how the end of their marriage will impact their children and hope that their children can adapt to a new lifestyle with minimal issues.

In addition, divorcing parents wonder how to break the news of their divorce to their children. If you are getting divorced and are unsure of how to tell your children, these tips are sure to help.

Tell Children Together