Frequently couples who are seeking a divorce try to make their own agreements. Sometimes it works and sometimes it degenerates into argument after argument.

If you’ve practiced divorce long enough you know that people frequently come very close to making a final agreement and then everything blows up. Here’s some ideas about how to stop that from happening:

1. You and your spouse should sit down and try to see what you actually can agree to in writing, without making a final commitment to it. Sometimes trying to finalize with signatures puts too much pressure on the other spouse and the whole deal blows up. What you want to do is come up with the things you can actually agree on. In other words, a starting point.

Getting a divorce is a stressful and confusing time. Without knowing what to expect, you could end up in a lengthy court battle, and spend way more than you have to. If you are considering divorce, or the process has already started, check out the eight tips below that can help you get through it.

Forget Fault

Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, which means neither of you has to prove drunkenness, infidelity, or any other type of fault. If possible, it is important not to focus on who was at fault, as this can lengthen the divorce and will make the process more challenging and stressful.

Agree Whenever Possible

No one expects anyone going through a divorce to be agreeable all of the time. However, it is important to know which battles to fight, and which ones to avoid. Determine what is most important to you and hold firm on those terms while compromising on the rest.

When considering divorce, you are likely thinking about how it could be a long process, and the many steps you will have to take throughout it. While the actions you take during divorce will depend on the specifics of your case, there are also some things that anyone considering divorce should do before they even file. The most important of these are listed below.

Prepare Financially

You will need a lot of documentation during your divorce case. Now is the time to collect records of financial accounts, phone records, car notes, and mortgages. Many times, spouses share these documents and when that is the case, you should take photocopies of the documentation and store them in a safe place.

Be Realistic About Child Custody

If you have children, custody issues are likely to be one of your biggest concerns as you consider divorce. It is important to remember that in most cases, a judge will award both parents time with the child unless there is an extreme situation such as addiction or domestic violence. Reviewing your work schedule, your child’s schedule, and the obligations you have will greatly help you prepare for the child custody process. If you and your spouse can reach a child custody agreement that is fair, your divorce will proceed much quicker and much more smoothly.

Though every divorce is different, and there is no one set way that can be used in all divorces, there are some general guidelines that can help make your divorce easier on you. The nature of divorce makes this period of time in your life difficult already, so figuring out ways that you can make it easier on everyone involved is a good idea. You may not even be aware that you are making these mistakes, but they can hinder the divorce and separation process. Here are five mistakes that you should try your best to avoid making:

1. Being Uninformed or Unprepared

If you are unaware of your financial situation, you are setting yourself up for failure. Before you begin the divorce process, you should make sure that you have access to all bank accounts and credit card accounts, as well as tax return information and investment accounts. You will want to make copies of all available financial records, such as tax returns, bank and credit card statements, loan documents, insurance policies, and deeds to real estate or vehicles.

2. Letting Your Emotions Guide You

Divorce dredges up many thoughts and feelings, so it can be difficult to take your emotions out of the process. It is completely normal to feel everything from grief to anger to resentment, but it is important that you do not let these emotions control your decisions. Seeing a counselor or therapist who specializes in divorce or family issues can help you work through those emotions in a healthy way.

Divorce is difficult for any child to cope with, but for children with autism or other special needs, it can feel like the entire world is coming to an end. Their difficulty in handling change, troubles in communicating or expressing feelings, and the never-ending struggle to cultivate deep and healthy relationships can further compound this feeling and manifest itself in a number of ways, from regression of stemming behaviors to aggression, anxiety, or depression. Thankfully, there are ways that both parents can help their child cope with the divorce in the months leading up to it and the years after.

Make Your Child’s Needs the Priority in Your Divorce

One of the absolute best ways to help any child through a divorce, including those on the autism spectrum, is to put their child’s needs first. This means not arguing with one another in front of the children, never bad-mouthing the other parent, not using your child as a negotiating tool or a pawn, and working together to create a custody and visitation arrangement that will ensure your child still has much needed quality time with both parents. It can be difficult, especially when there are hurt feelings involved, but the result is always worth the effort.