The news of divorce spreads quickly among close friends and family members. Some may breathe a collective sigh of relief, happy that you came to this positive decision. Others may be left in shock, never realizing that anything in your marriage was wrong in the first place. During this intensely personal experience, some couples struggle to keep their friends and family out of their divorce. However, it can be crucial to the success of the divorce to do just that. Family and friends may want what is best for you, but that is not always the case with your spouse’s side of the family and his or her friends. Furthermore, family and friends can inadvertently push you in one direction, making your ability to see clearly and make compromises more difficult.

Friends Will Choose Sides

Mutual friends of the spouses often end up choosing sides at some point, particularly if it is decided that one of the spouses “single-handedly” ruined the marriage, such as by having an affair. The last thing that either spouse needs is to lose valuable friends at this time in their lives, and by involving friends in the divorce, that is likely to occur. Furthermore, a friend that never got along with you or your spouse may cause one of the spouses to have even more negative views of the other. This compromises the spouses’ abilities to work together to come to a center ground or to successfully dissolve the marriage out of the courtroom.

Family Members May Cause Added Stress and Push Their Own Agendas

Poor relationships with inlaws is one of the leading causes of divorce. In fact, 60 percent of married women report have a sustained stressful relationship with their mother in law, while 15 percent of married men say the same. Another study found that when men have a close relationship with their parents in law, their risk of divorce is reduced by 20 percent. The exact opposite is true for married women; married women who reported having a close relationship with their in-laws were at a 20 percent greater chance of getting divorced.

Divorce is hard on adults. Just think how difficult it is for children, who rarely understand why their parents are separating, do not have any say in where they live or what their new lives will entail, and whose entire life schedules and normal routines are disrupted every few days or weeks when they go to stay with their other parent. As a mother or father, you can make this difficult process easier on them. The months that divorce takes will be a challenge, but you have the ability to minimize the stress and anxiety that your children experience during this time.

Refrain from Bad Mouthing the Other Parent in Front of Your Children

Children are more likely to identify with the parent that is the same gender as they are. Sons will identify with fathers, and daughters will identify with mothers. As such, if a father says to his daughter, “I hope you don’t end up being like your mother,” or makes some other crude or disrespectful comment in front of his daughter, his daughter may internalize that and her emotional development will be delayed or impaired. Even saying something negative about a son’s mother, who is a different gender than him, has a negative effect on the child. It may be tempting to bad mouth or grumble about the other parent, but this can have serious consequences on your child’s emotional and psychological state of mind.

Keeping Conflict Away from Your Children, Communication, and Maintaining a Relationship with Both Parents

Even discluding court appearances and mediation, divorce is filled with conflict between the two spouses. Children pick up on the most subtle derogatory comments just as easily as a shouting argument. Exposure to any type of conflict increases the child’s risk of developing psychological and social problems, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Parents should consider doing the following:

Most people believe that divorce has a negative effect on children. While divorce can be difficult for them, it can also teach them valuable lessons and set them up for a happy and successful future. Here are five ways children can benefit from divorce:

1. Self Sufficiency

Children in divorced families are often more self-sufficient. Since it can be a challenge for single parents to complete all of their household chores, they often ask their children for help. This teaches them how to care for their home and themselves and they become more responsible as a result.

Divorce is an emotional process. Therefore, it is essential to lean on your friends and family to help you get through this difficult time. If you have difficulty opening up to your loved ones or would like guidance from others who know exactly what divorce is like, consider joining a divorce support group. A divorce support group can do wonders for your mental health and offers the following benefits:

Valuable Advice

If you have never gone through the divorce process before, you may not know what to expect. By listening to what others in your divorce support group have dealt with, you can learn how to overcome emotional pain, seek legal representation, and co-parent well with your ex-spouse.

Now that it is spring and the summer is fast approaching, you may be invited to one or several weddings. If you have recently gotten divorced and this is your first wedding season single, you may be nervous about going to a wedding solo and unsure of how to RSVP to the weddings invitations you receive. Here are several wedding season tips that are sure to make wedding season an enjoyable rather than dreadful time for you.

1. RSVP Yes

It may be tempting for you to RSVP no. However, doing so can lead to social isolation and loneliness. You were invited to a wedding because a couple wants you to witness their special day so you should be there for them if you are able to. By attending a wedding, you can surround yourself with happy people and have a great time.