Other than losing a loved one, getting divorced is likely the most stressful event that will happen to a person in their life. This is because divorce changes nearly everything in your life. You will likely spend less time with your children, face tax implications, and may have to move out of your home, or even out of your city or state. Although divorce is a legal process, it is also an extremely emotional one. Unfortunately, that emotional process does not end once the divorce is finalized. Many people expect that they will be happier after divorce, and are surprised when they realize that is not necessarily the case. Below are four of the biggest aspects people do not realize about life after divorce.

You Will Feel the Loss

Even if you initiated the divorce, you will likely still feel a loss. You will no longer share every aspect of your daily life with your spouse and no matter how broken the relationship was at the end, this is still an adjustment. You may also lose certain relationships, such as the family members and friends of your now former spouse. This loss is very difficult for many people to cope with, and one that many people do not consider when they are going through divorce proceedings.

The Surprising Reactions of Others

Anyone that gets divorced expects their family members and closest friends to be there afterward. Sadly, that is not always the case. Sometimes family members may treat you differently, even if it is something as simple as not inviting you to a family dinner. They may think it will be more difficult for you to see other happy couples and they simply do not want to put you through that. Or, they may not think that you feel up to going anywhere or seeing anyone. However, it will not feel as though they are looking out for your best interests and these actions can cause resentment to build in the family. On the other hand, you may also find that people you were not particularly close to are the ones that are there for you and will help you get through this difficult time.

Going through a divorce is extremely difficult and emotionally taxing. Some people may need time to mourn the relationship, and these individuals may also take some time to get back on their feet. Others, though, may want to jump right back into life and resume certain activities, such as dating. When that is the case, how do you know if you are ready, or how to do it without hurting your children, the people you date, or yourself? If you are considering dating after divorce, the guidelines below can help you determine if you are ready.

Ask Yourself Some Hard Questions

Although many people think of the fun aspects of dating, such as getting dressed up and going out to fancy restaurants, it is important to remember that there are a lot of difficult components of it, as well. Before putting yourself through that unnecessarily, it is important to ask yourself some tough questions. Did you learn the lessons you needed to during your marriage and divorce? Are you ready to move on from your marriage? Do you feel you have obtained the closure you needed after divorce? Asking yourself these questions, and being honest about the answers, will help you determine if you are ready to date after divorce.

Pay Attention to How You Feel

Sometimes, people just are not certain if they are ready to date after divorce until they actually do it. So, if you are unsure but think you may be ready to get back into the dating game, try it and see. If you are not ready to date yet, you will know fairly soon into the date. Again, it is important to be honest with yourself. Do not shrug off your feelings by telling yourself that you are just nervous, or that you are only having those feelings because it has been a while since you have dated. If you are not ready, those feelings will not go away and you are not doing yourself any favors by trying to push through them.

The news of divorce spreads quickly among close friends and family members. Some may breathe a collective sigh of relief, happy that you came to this positive decision. Others may be left in shock, never realizing that anything in your marriage was wrong in the first place. During this intensely personal experience, some couples struggle to keep their friends and family out of their divorce. However, it can be crucial to the success of the divorce to do just that. Family and friends may want what is best for you, but that is not always the case with your spouse’s side of the family and his or her friends. Furthermore, family and friends can inadvertently push you in one direction, making your ability to see clearly and make compromises more difficult.

Friends Will Choose Sides

Mutual friends of the spouses often end up choosing sides at some point, particularly if it is decided that one of the spouses “single-handedly” ruined the marriage, such as by having an affair. The last thing that either spouse needs is to lose valuable friends at this time in their lives, and by involving friends in the divorce, that is likely to occur. Furthermore, a friend that never got along with you or your spouse may cause one of the spouses to have even more negative views of the other. This compromises the spouses’ abilities to work together to come to a center ground or to successfully dissolve the marriage out of the courtroom.

Family Members May Cause Added Stress and Push Their Own Agendas

Poor relationships with inlaws is one of the leading causes of divorce. In fact, 60 percent of married women report have a sustained stressful relationship with their mother in law, while 15 percent of married men say the same. Another study found that when men have a close relationship with their parents in law, their risk of divorce is reduced by 20 percent. The exact opposite is true for married women; married women who reported having a close relationship with their in-laws were at a 20 percent greater chance of getting divorced.

Divorce is hard on adults. Just think how difficult it is for children, who rarely understand why their parents are separating, do not have any say in where they live or what their new lives will entail, and whose entire life schedules and normal routines are disrupted every few days or weeks when they go to stay with their other parent. As a mother or father, you can make this difficult process easier on them. The months that divorce takes will be a challenge, but you have the ability to minimize the stress and anxiety that your children experience during this time.

Refrain from Bad Mouthing the Other Parent in Front of Your Children

Children are more likely to identify with the parent that is the same gender as they are. Sons will identify with fathers, and daughters will identify with mothers. As such, if a father says to his daughter, “I hope you don’t end up being like your mother,” or makes some other crude or disrespectful comment in front of his daughter, his daughter may internalize that and her emotional development will be delayed or impaired. Even saying something negative about a son’s mother, who is a different gender than him, has a negative effect on the child. It may be tempting to bad mouth or grumble about the other parent, but this can have serious consequences on your child’s emotional and psychological state of mind.

Keeping Conflict Away from Your Children, Communication, and Maintaining a Relationship with Both Parents

Even discluding court appearances and mediation, divorce is filled with conflict between the two spouses. Children pick up on the most subtle derogatory comments just as easily as a shouting argument. Exposure to any type of conflict increases the child’s risk of developing psychological and social problems, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Parents should consider doing the following:

Most people believe that divorce has a negative effect on children. While divorce can be difficult for them, it can also teach them valuable lessons and set them up for a happy and successful future. Here are five ways children can benefit from divorce:

1. Self Sufficiency

Children in divorced families are often more self-sufficient. Since it can be a challenge for single parents to complete all of their household chores, they often ask their children for help. This teaches them how to care for their home and themselves and they become more responsible as a result.