Tag Archives: healing after divorce

IL divorce lawyerOther than losing a loved one, getting divorced is likely the most stressful event that will happen to a person in their life. This is because divorce changes nearly everything in your life. You will likely spend less time with your children, face tax implications, and may have to move out of your home, or even out of your city or state. Although divorce is a legal process, it is also an extremely emotional one. Unfortunately, that emotional process does not end once the divorce is finalized. Many people expect that they will be happier after divorce, and are surprised when they realize that is not necessarily the case. Below are four of the biggest aspects people do not realize about life after divorce.

You Will Feel the Loss

Even if you initiated the divorce, you will likely still feel a loss. You will no longer share every aspect of your daily life with your spouse and no matter how broken the relationship was at the end, this is still an adjustment. You may also lose certain relationships, such as the family members and friends of your now former spouse. This loss is very difficult for many people to cope with, and one that many people do not consider when they are going through divorce proceedings.

The Surprising Reactions of Others

Anyone that gets divorced expects their family members and closest friends to be there afterward. Sadly, that is not always the case. Sometimes family members may treat you differently, even if it is something as simple as not inviting you to a family dinner. They may think it will be more difficult for you to see other happy couples and they simply do not want to put you through that. Or, they may not think that you feel up to going anywhere or seeing anyone. However, it will not feel as though they are looking out for your best interests and these actions can cause resentment to build in the family. On the other hand, you may also find that people you were not particularly close to are the ones that are there for you and will help you get through this difficult time.

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Illinois divorce lawyer, Illinois family law attorneyAgainst all odds, the current divorce rate in the United States has significantly dropped for the third subsequent year. Actually, the percentage of couples dissolving a marriage has reached its lowest point in nearly 40 years but the news certainly does not lessen the stinging emotions of wanting to help a friend in need whose marriage is on the downswing. For those beginning the journey through the divorce process, they often find themselves riddled with guilt, emotional pain and very overwhelmed. They confront safeguarding their children, their families, their self-esteem, their financial future and navigating the legalities of dissolving a marriage. Needless to say, the overall process can be daunting but if you consider yourself a true friend there are ways to help.

The Art of Listening

Even though you may believe you are truly listening, chances are you are not totally in tune with your friend’s emotions. Divorce can be compared to a death and at this time do not simply agree with your friend’s feelings and observations of the marriage gone wrong but just lend a shoulder, listen and acknowledge their emotions but most importantly, stop talking.

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Illinois divorce lawyer, Illinois family law attorneyAlthough the divorce rate of American couples still hovers between 40 to 50 percent, Psychology Today contributor and author, Wendy Paris takes a constructive look at how both the laws and customs over the past 40 years have eased the implications of divorce for many. As addressed in her 2016 book, "Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well," Paris reviews her top seven principles of adopting a positive set of parting principles to steer safely through the divorce process.

Following is a summary of these principles which may assist those currently facing the challenges of divorce:

Principle 1: Commit to Self-Compassion

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