Tag Archives: Life after Divorce

Geneva divorce attorneysAfter more than 35 years of practicing divorce law, I began to think of the fundamental question that people should be asking themselves and that is: WHAT KIND OF DIVORCE MAKES MOST PEOPLE HAPPY? 

Divorces become, for many people, one of the unhappiest experiences of their lives. For many people, divorce is akin to the death of a love one, the loss of a business or some other catastrophic event that may happen. However, divorce doesn’t need to be that way. We have found that divorce can be made into an experience that ultimately makes people happy. 

How is this done you may ask. Well, first of all you have to take the approach that you are not there to punish the other side; instead you are there to make an honorable deal that will show respect and compassion for your soon to be ex-spouse. Most importantly, you will make a deal and an arrangement whether it is for the future of your children or for your own and your ex-spouse’s future to enable all of you to have good lives.

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IL divorce lawyerOther than losing a loved one, getting divorced is likely the most stressful event that will happen to a person in their life. This is because divorce changes nearly everything in your life. You will likely spend less time with your children, face tax implications, and may have to move out of your home, or even out of your city or state. Although divorce is a legal process, it is also an extremely emotional one. Unfortunately, that emotional process does not end once the divorce is finalized. Many people expect that they will be happier after divorce, and are surprised when they realize that is not necessarily the case. Below are four of the biggest aspects people do not realize about life after divorce.

You Will Feel the Loss

Even if you initiated the divorce, you will likely still feel a loss. You will no longer share every aspect of your daily life with your spouse and no matter how broken the relationship was at the end, this is still an adjustment. You may also lose certain relationships, such as the family members and friends of your now former spouse. This loss is very difficult for many people to cope with, and one that many people do not consider when they are going through divorce proceedings.

The Surprising Reactions of Others

Anyone that gets divorced expects their family members and closest friends to be there afterward. Sadly, that is not always the case. Sometimes family members may treat you differently, even if it is something as simple as not inviting you to a family dinner. They may think it will be more difficult for you to see other happy couples and they simply do not want to put you through that. Or, they may not think that you feel up to going anywhere or seeing anyone. However, it will not feel as though they are looking out for your best interests and these actions can cause resentment to build in the family. On the other hand, you may also find that people you were not particularly close to are the ones that are there for you and will help you get through this difficult time.

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IL divorce lawyerGoing through a divorce is extremely difficult and emotionally taxing. Some people may need time to mourn the relationship, and these individuals may also take some time to get back on their feet. Others, though, may want to jump right back into life and resume certain activities, such as dating. When that is the case, how do you know if you are ready, or how to do it without hurting your children, the people you date, or yourself? If you are considering dating after divorce, the guidelines below can help you determine if you are ready.

Ask Yourself Some Hard Questions

Although many people think of the fun aspects of dating, such as getting dressed up and going out to fancy restaurants, it is important to remember that there are a lot of difficult components of it, as well. Before putting yourself through that unnecessarily, it is important to ask yourself some tough questions. Did you learn the lessons you needed to during your marriage and divorce? Are you ready to move on from your marriage? Do you feel you have obtained the closure you needed after divorce? Asking yourself these questions, and being honest about the answers, will help you determine if you are ready to date after divorce.

Pay Attention to How You Feel

Sometimes, people just are not certain if they are ready to date after divorce until they actually do it. So, if you are unsure but think you may be ready to get back into the dating game, try it and see. If you are not ready to date yet, you will know fairly soon into the date. Again, it is important to be honest with yourself. Do not shrug off your feelings by telling yourself that you are just nervous, or that you are only having those feelings because it has been a while since you have dated. If you are not ready, those feelings will not go away and you are not doing yourself any favors by trying to push through them.

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IL family lawyerA good outcome of a divorce depends significantly on the arguments, as well as the agreements that you make during the divorce process. This transition period in your life is not typically a high-point of rational decisions, either. However, it is vital that you make well-thought-out agreements to ensure you have a good foundation for your life after divorce. Here are a few tips that can help.

The Decision

Generally, choosing to divorce is not a mutual decision. Typically, one partner feels unhappy or unappreciated in the union and begins to disconnect from the marriage, gathering a laundry list of bad qualities of their partner along the way. This coping strategy is relatively common, where one party blames the other spouse for the end of the marriage, but also extends the time they have to deal with the grief of the loss of their marriage. The other person is often seen as the victim and is caught off guard.

The Announcement

If you were the initiator or the victim influences the way that you will respond to the announcement; and it also has a direct impact of how you will behave in the following steps. Especially if children are involved, this is an excellent time to seek the advice of an experienced attorney so you can fully understand your options and plan your next steps.

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IL divorce lawyerAfter a divorce, you may enter the dating world and meet someone special. If you have children, you are likely wondering when and how to introduce a new partner to them after a divorce. Since the way you introduce them may impact your future and whether or not your children approve of your partner, it is important to follow these rules.

Time the Introduction Properly

Be careful of when you introduce your children to your new partner. Make sure that you truly know your partner and have had enough time to determine whether your relationship is a short fling or a long-term commitment. If you are confident that your partner will be in your life in the future and your children have adjusted to your divorce and moved passed the anger and sadness stage, you can introduce them to your children.

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