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Asking your spouse for a divorce takes courage and resolve because you know the pain that will follow. Even if you concluded a while ago that divorce is inevitable, saying it to your spouse makes it real and likely irreversible. When faced with an uncomfortable task, sometimes you choose to act quickly so you do not have time to doubt yourself. However, asking for a divorce is not that type of situation. You need to carefully think about when, where and how you will have the conversation. Asking for a divorce in the wrong way can be needlessly hurtful and set the tone for a high-conflict divorce.
You want to ask your spouse for a divorce at a time when he or she is calm enough to handle the conversation. Timing can have multiple meanings in this case. There is literal timing, such as when in the day you will have the conversation. There is also a broader timing that considers the other factors happening in your spouse’s life. Examples of poor timing include:
Being that this is a personal topic, the conversation should take place in a private setting. Home is the obvious place for most people. You should choose a time when your children are not home in case your spouse becomes upset. Some spouses who are already attending marriage counseling will start the conversation during an appointment. There is still some privacy, as well as a counselor to help you process your emotions.
You should practice what you will say when asking for a divorce while still being prepared to go off script if your spouse reacts in an unexpected way. Some key points to remember are:
After your first divorce conversation, it is time to get to work on the legal process. A Kane County divorce attorney at Geneva Family Lawyers can lead you through the steps of getting a divorce. To schedule a free consultation, call 331-588-6611.