The Right Way to Ask for a Divorce

 Posted on July 19, 2018 in Family Law

The Right Way to Ask for a DivorceAsking your spouse for a divorce takes courage and resolve because you know the pain that will follow. Even if you concluded a while ago that divorce is inevitable, saying it to your spouse makes it real and likely irreversible. When faced with an uncomfortable task, sometimes you choose to act quickly so you do not have time to doubt yourself. However, asking for a divorce is not that type of situation. You need to carefully think about when, where and how you will have the conversation. Asking for a divorce in the wrong way can be needlessly hurtful and set the tone for a high-conflict divorce.


You want to ask your spouse for a divorce at a time when he or she is calm enough to handle the conversation. Timing can have multiple meanings in this case. There is literal timing, such as when in the day you will have the conversation. There is also a broader timing that considers the other factors happening in your spouse’s life. Examples of poor timing include:

  • When your spouse is under heavy stress that will eventually subside;
  • Right before a special occasion that your spouse has been looking forward to; and
  • At a point in the day when your spouse will not have free time to calm down after the discussion.


Being that this is a personal topic, the conversation should take place in a private setting. Home is the obvious place for most people. You should choose a time when your children are not home in case your spouse becomes upset. Some spouses who are already attending marriage counseling will start the conversation during an appointment. There is still some privacy, as well as a counselor to help you process your emotions.


You should practice what you will say when asking for a divorce while still being prepared to go off script if your spouse reacts in an unexpected way. Some key points to remember are:

  • Be gentle and compassionate in your tone because your spouse may be surprised by the news;
  • Do not blame your spouse for the divorce;
  • Talk about how you feel and not about how you suspect your spouse feels;
  • Remain calm if your spouse becomes angry or upset; and
  • Be resolute that you have made your decision.

Next Steps

After your first divorce conversation, it is time to get to work on the legal process. A Kane County divorce attorney at Geneva Family Lawyers can lead you through the steps of getting a divorce. To schedule a free consultation, call 331-588-6611.


Share this post:

Recent Blog Posts



Free Initial Consultations

phone 630-920-8855
address15 North Lincoln Street, Hinsdale, IL 60521
Our firm handles family law and personal injury matters for clients in Chicago and throughout the western suburbs including DuPage County, Will County, Kane County, Cook County and the cities of Aurora, Bloomingdale, Bolingbrook, Burr Ridge, Carol Stream, Darien, Downers Grove, Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn, Hinsdale, Joliet, Kendall County, Lombard, Naperville, Oak Park, Oak Brook, Oakbrook Terrace, Clarendon Hills, Oswego, Park Ridge, Roselle, St. Charles, Geneva, Villa Park, Warrenville, Wheaton, Western Springs, LaGrange, Winfield, Woodridge and Yorkville.

© 2024 Law Office of Martoccio & Martoccio 15 North Lincoln Street, Hinsdale, IL 60521 630-920-8855

OVC Lawyer Marketing

Share Your Experience