Tweaking Your Conversations With Your Soon to be Ex-Spouse Into a Final Fast Tracked/Streamlined Divorce

Hinsdale divorce attorneyFrequently couples who are seeking a divorce try to make their own agreements. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it degenerates into argument after argument.

If you’ve practiced divorce long enough you know that people frequently come very close to making a final agreement and then everything blows up. Here are some ideas about how to stop that from happening: 

  1. You and your spouse should sit down and try to see what you actually can agree to in writing, without making a final commitment to it. Sometimes trying to finalize with signatures puts too much pressure on the other spouse and the whole deal blows up. What you want to do is come up with the things you can actually agree on, in other words a starting point.
  1. It’s important not try to force your spouse to actually sign the document, which will only be thought of as your attempt to dominate him or her.
  1. If you can’t come to an agreement don’t despair. Your object of the game here is to keep the game alive and moving forward. Avoid at all cost throwing in the towel and giving up. If you can’t agree just say “let’s table that thought for another time,” and move on to another topic.
  1. Once you have an outline of what you think an agreement should be, you should put the outline of agreement aside and think about it for a day or two. Is anything left out or unclear?
  1. After some time, you should schedule another meeting with your soon to be ex- spouse and go over just the issues that were left out. Try to clarify with each other what both of you think about those things which were undecided.
  1. Many times, we see couples come in with the beginnings of an agreement after using this process. It’s much easier to deal with problems that have been discussed openly and where settlement and resolution has been first tried.
  1. In the process that I’m talking about you need to avoid name calling and reminding each other of past actions or events which were hurtful and stonewalling such as drawing a line in the sand at whatever point and saying I would never do that in a million years.
  1. The couples that have the best chance of having a successful easy divorce realize that they many times will need to have some type of relationship with their ex after the divorce particularly when they have children.
  1. It has been said the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. Rest assured that even During these COVID steeped times, the courts are open for business and even if it is done remotely you can get a divorce. Believe it or not that’s the easy part the hard part is making the deal. We’ve been making divorce deals for clients for more than 35 years. In our experience, the cases that move the most quickly through the system are those where the clients have a general idea of what the issues are, both for themselves and their spouse and a clear idea of what they want the outcome to be after divorce. By the way this saves a substantial amount of money and emotion.
  1. Even a basic outline of agreed parts of a divorce settlement will make it substantially less costly in attorney’s fees as well as grief.
  1. If you have the bare bones of an agreement with your soon to be ex, feel free to contact us and give us the chance to tweak your basic outline into a final agreement and a fast tracked/streamlined divorce.


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