Why Trying to "Win" Your Illinois Divorce May Be a Bad Idea

IL divorce lawyerDivorce can be emotionally taxing and some spouses may be tempted to take the quickest offer just to get the whole thing over with. Other spouses take the opposite approach, acting aggressively to try to get their entire agenda fulfilled in their divorce decree. But by trying to “win” at the divorce, these spouses may instead create a hostile and contentious situation that prevents achieving a settlement and prolongs the divorce process.

Both spouses need a divorce decree that allows ample parenting time and makes financial sense, now and in the future. Approaching divorce with goals in mind can help both spouses achieve a mutually satisfying outcome, but refusing to compromise can actually end up getting a spouse less of what they want.

What Is the Problem with “Winning?”

There are no winners and losers in divorce. Illinois divorce law recognizes that both parties need to derive benefit from the final divorce decree, and regardless of how hard one spouse fights to get everything they want, a court will not approve an agreement if one spouse blatantly benefits at the expense of the other. Moreover, although judges appreciate straightforward communication, they do not like to see bullying, intimidation, or flagrant selfishness from spouses. This is especially true if the spouses are also parents of children whose future will be impacted by a divorce decree.

Spouses who are set on winning at all costs are likely to run into serious problems, including:

  • Unrealistic expectations that the other spouse would not agree to, or that a court would reject
  • Unnecessarily rejecting reasonable and mutually beneficial offers
  • Hurting themselves and their children in their efforts to force their spouse to “lose”
  • Dissatisfaction with the final divorce agreement and lingering resentment
  • Expensive litigation and wasted time

Compromise Is Part of Getting Divorced

Divorce is the separation of the material that makes up human lives; no matter the circumstances, everybody gives up something. A portion of marital assets, the benefits of joint incomes, time normally spent with children in a shared home: giving these things up is in the nature of divorce.

Rather than trying to win, spouses should focus on the long-term wellbeing of themselves and their children. Setting clear priorities and having an optimal outcome in mind do not need to get in the way of reasonable compromise. Everybody, especially the children, benefits when spouses are able to stop competing with each other and work towards finding a solution that is best for everyone.

Speak with a DuPage County Divorce Attorney

At Law Office of Martoccio & Martoccio, we understand that success in divorce is often a matter of being able to strategize and compromise. Our team of experienced Hinsdale divorce attorneys may be able to help you clarify your priorities and create a plan to work towards a divorce decree that benefits you. Contact our office and schedule your initial consultation by phone or video chat. Call us today at 630-920-8855.

 

Sources:

https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody/healthy 

https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?DocName=075000050HPt%2E+IV&ActID=2086&ChapterID=59&SeqStart=3900000&SeqEnd=5400000 vorce.

 

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