Love, Marriage and Babies: The Good and the Bad

One of the top 10 reasons couples go through divorce within the first 3 to 4 years of marriage, from the perspective of an experienced divorce lawyer, is the change of having children. What you don't know about having a baby may cause you to divorce.

Having a baby with someone that you love should be a joyous event! But it isn't all the time. Even married couples who are planning a child may find that after the birth of the child they want to divorce many times 3-4 years after the birth of their child.

One of the reasons for this may be the fundamental differences between a man and woman. A man anticipates that his life will be essentially the same after the birth of the baby. He expects to participate in the same activities he always has such as sports, or social activities such as going out on the weekends with his buddies.  He does not foresee that life changes after the baby arrives. He thanks business as usual.

Not so with a woman. She is now a mother. Her expectations are that all of her activities will change. Her focus will be on the baby, her center of the universe will become that baby. Personal pleasures will take a backseat. Now we have entirely two different sets of expectations. Some couples can adapt and others cannot.

So What Can be Done?

This problem sees seems to arise because the father and mother are not aware of each other's expectations of what marriage and raising a family is all about until they are actually in the moment. The birth of the child has occurred.

Solution:  Thorough discussions of what each partner has as expectations of marriage and raising a family. Don't wait until you are in the moment. You should discuss prior to marriage if possible but certainly after marriage the fundamental issues that you will face. These issues may include child rearing, and go all the way to plans for retirement.

As odd as it may sound going to a counselor in order to have a forum to express these views may in fact be the best advice. If you as a couple cannot discuss issues now before you're in the moment how can you ever discuss them afterwards. Finally, training and experience in simple problem solving such as having a conversation about important matters without argument is essential to having a lasting marriage.

A long-term lasting marriage should be a goal for everyone since the studies that have been done validate that people live longer and are healthier if they are involved in a continuous long-term relationship such as marriage.

If you are in need of marriage or family law representation, contact an experienced DuPage County attorney at 630-920-8855.

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