Children whose parents are divorcing can have varied reactions to the news of the divorce. Depending on their age and maturity level, they may not understand what a divorce is let alone what it means. Some children react with feelings of guilt, thinking they are the cause of the divorce. Other children may fear that they will lose one or both parents because of the change. As the parent, it is your job to make sure that your child understands the situation so that they can have healthy reactions. Here are three tips you can use to help you tell your children about your divorce:

1. Tailor the Conversation to Your Child’s Level of Understanding

Younger children often do not understand the entire aspect of divorce. Most of the time, all they know is that mommy and daddy are no longer living together. When talking to younger children about your divorce, make sure you use words and concepts that they understand. Your conversation does not have to go into great detail, but it is important that you tell the truth. Older children will probably need a bit more explanation, however, you should avoid disclosing too much information so as to paint the other parent in a bad light.

2. Make Sure It Is the Right Time

It is usually recommended that all children be present when you decide to break the news -- the last thing you would want is for one child to hear the news from another. Also, do not tell your children too early that you are getting a divorce -- if divorce is not certain between you and your spouse, you should not alert your children about the issues.

Though every divorce is different, and there is no one set way that can be used in all divorces, there are some general guidelines that can help make your divorce easier on you. The nature of divorce makes this period of time in your life difficult already, so figuring out ways that you can make it easier on everyone involved is a good idea. You may not even be aware that you are making these mistakes, but they can hinder the divorce and separation process. Here are five mistakes that you should try your best to avoid making:

1. Being Uninformed or Unprepared

If you are unaware of your financial situation, you are setting yourself up for failure. Before you begin the divorce process, you should make sure that you have access to all bank accounts and credit card accounts, as well as tax return information and investment accounts. You will want to make copies of all available financial records, such as tax returns, bank and credit card statements, loan documents, insurance policies, and deeds to real estate or vehicles.

2. Letting Your Emotions Guide You

Divorce dredges up many thoughts and feelings, so it can be difficult to take your emotions out of the process. It is completely normal to feel everything from grief to anger to resentment, but it is important that you do not let these emotions control your decisions. Seeing a counselor or therapist who specializes in divorce or family issues can help you work through those emotions in a healthy way.

Divorce can be difficult for children. Living in two households, watching parents date and remarry, and getting introduced to step-siblings and half-siblings are several of the many changes divorce can bring to your children’s lives.

Fortunately, there are ways you can help your children live a high quality of life despite any changes your divorce may bring. You can start by making an effort to avoid the following 4 common parenting mistakes during divorce:

1. Forcing Your Children to Be Messengers

Divorce can become very difficult when you have to co-parent with your ex who you do not get along with. Fortunately, there are ways that you can make co-parenting easier and become a great role model to your children. Here are five co-parenting tips you should keep in mind to make parenting a pleasant rather than daunting experience:

1. Lower Your Expectations

You cannot expect your ex to be the kind of parent you would like them to be. Doing so will only leave you disappointed and frustrated. Keep in mind that even if you believe they should be a better parent, you cannot control their parenting style and/or change their priorities.

At that time there was no Illinois divorce law on the subject of pet “custody.” Nonetheless, later in my career, I argued for custody of a dog’s ashes which were in an urn on the divorcing couples’ fireplace mantel. Again, I argued in both cases that the family dog was like a child or family member to my client. I knew that for many, a Pet becomes a best friend and a true member of the family. In both cases, I incurred the ire of the Judge who was not pleased with having the Judge’s time wasted. By the way, a good divorce lawyer will think first about his or her client’s beliefs and argue for them and only second about any potential waste of the Court’s time.

In March 2014, I wrote a blog and posted it here on our website entitled: Who Gets the Dog in an Illinois Divorce? The answer then being, that the dog was treated like any other property in an Illinois Divorce and divided according to the rules of marital versus nonmarital property with no recognition as to how important that Pet was to the client.