There are many ways you can go about getting divorced. There is divorce mediation, collaborative divorce, even a do-it-yourself divorce - but the most common process couples decide to go with when getting a divorce remains to be a litigated divorce.

With a litigated divorce, both spouses hire lawyers to give them legal advice and help them hash out issues. While many litigated divorces do not always use a judge decide such issues, you must always appear in court to have your divorce finalized.

Certain rules of etiquette should be followed in court. Try to avoid making these mistakes when you go to court during your divorce:

Studies have shown that divorced fathers have higher rates of depression and suicide than divorced mothers. They are less likely to regularly seek medical attention and more likely to participate in risky behavior, such as substance abuse and unprotected sex. These facts should not dissuade fathers from ending a bad marriage, which also has a negative effect on their health and quality of life. They show that many fathers need to do more to preserve their happiness and health after their divorces.

Parental Rights

Fathers often feel discouraged or defeated after a divorce because they received fewer parental responsibilities than the mother. Though Illinois parenting laws are gender neutral, courts and divorcees have an unspoken presumption that the mother will be the children’s primary caregiver. Fathers feel frustrated that the divorce system is biased against them and does not equally value them as parents. You can have a better divorce experience as a father:

• Do not simply concede a majority of the parental responsibilities if you believe you are an equally qualified parent;
• Fight for as much parenting time and decision-making powers as you can receive, even if it is not a majority;
• Make sure that your parenting schedule allows you to maximize your time with your children; and
• Show the court and your wife that your responsibilities as a father are important to you and your children.

Support System

Men are generally less likely to seek help when they feel depressed and lonely. The male identity includes not showing signs of emotional weakness. Wives and children are often the only sources of emotional support that men feel comfortable opening up to. When both are gone, a father may respond to his negative emotions by becoming withdrawn and less concerned about his health. You can fight this response by:

When you are married, that typically means that your finances are woven together, which makes things easier for you and your spouse to handle life’s expenses. This all changes once you decide to get a divorce. A divorce is not only the severing of your emotional relationship, but also your legal and financial relationship.

Like most things in life, diving into a divorce with little to no preparation is never a good idea. You should have certain things prepared and in order before you begin your divorce. Here are four ways you can get your finances in order before you begin the divorce process:

1. Take Inventory of Your Assets and Make a List of Your Debts

The first thing you should do when preparing for divorce is to make a list of your assets and debts. Your assets should include things like any real estate that you own, your vehicles, money in savings and checking accounts, investment accounts, retirement savings, furniture and household items, collectibles and any other valuables you own. Your debts can be things like a mortgage, an auto loan, credit card bills or any personal loans.

Paternity is an interesting subject. When a woman gives birth to a baby, there is no question as to if that woman is the baby’s biological mother - but there is no automatic link to know who the baby’s biological father is.

Traditionally, the legal paternal rights to the baby were given to the man who was married to the baby’s mother, but in recent years more and more unmarried couples have been having children. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 4 percent of all babies born in the United States in 1950 were born to unmarried mothers. In 2008, about 40 percent of all babies were born to unmarried mothers. In many states - Illinois included - if the child is born to an unmarried woman, the father must legally establish his paternity before he can claim any rights to the child.

Presumed Paternity in Illinois

In the state of Illinois, a father cannot even put his name on the child’s birth certificate unless paternity has been established. The only time paternity is presumed is if the mother was married or in a civil union at the time the child was born, or if the mother was married or in a civil union within 300 days before the child was born. If neither of those situations was true, then paternity must be established.

Children, especially, can have a difficult time with divorce. Divorce brings much uncertainty into the lives of everyone in the family, and children, who thrive off of stability, can be affected much more strongly than others. There are things you can do to help alleviate some of the stress your children have because of the divorce. Here are five ways you can help your children cope with this big change in their lives:

1. Explain the Divorce to Your Children in Terms They Can Understand

Children’s understanding of divorce will vary based on their age and maturity level. Younger children will need to be explained to in simple, yet truthful terms about the divorce. The conversation can be as simple as telling your children that mommy and daddy no longer want to fight all the time, so they will be living in different houses. Older children will usually require a more explanatory response, but you should be careful to reveal too much information as your children do not need to hear about your marital problems.

2. Encourage Conversation about Their Feelings

You should tell your children that it is normal for them to feel sad or angry about the divorce. You will have your own feelings about the divorce, and it is important for your children to be able to have theirs. Allowing your children to talk about their feelings will allow them to progress through the grieving process.